Some Sad News

So I might not be ready to talk about this but I need to get it off my chest. I'll just start from the beginning.

So Dallas and I have been trying to get pregnant since January. We started 50mg of Clomid in March. I knew that we were starting too low, but since I have changed Doctors since I had Gabe, he wanted to monitor me from the beginning. So, 1st month on the 50mg.... not pregnant. In fact, I didn't even ovulate. I also don't start "sweet mother nature" on my own so I have to take Prevera (progesterone) to start me. Anyway, so my Doc put me on 100mg on my 2nd, 3rd, 4th time around. Not pregnant.... not ovulating. So September rolls around and we took the big jump to 150mg. I was so ready for that dose! Being on Clomid for 7 months straight takes a tole on you! So, we were very optimistic that the 150 would work. I remember feeling so crappy one day... which was the day I OVULATED!!! I was so happy to know that my body was finally making some progress! Then on October 15th, I took the test and it came back POSITIVE! I was 5 weeks pregnant! We were so excited! I told my whole family and it took everything in me not to tell everyone I know. I did tell a few of my close friends though. I HAD to. So, the month went by and I felt great. It surprised me because I was so sick with Gabe. I just considered myself very lucky... and maybe it was a girl since I was so sick with my boy. I was starting to get all the pregnancy signs. You women who have had children all know what those are. Bloated, hungry, tired... but the nausea never came. I was getting very excited because I found out that some close girlfriends of mine were also due around the same time as me. We would be able to raise our #2 babies together too. My Brother and sis in law were getting ready to pick up their kiddos from Ethiopia and that made me excited because our family was just getting bigger and bigger! Then on Friday, Nov. 11th, I started to bleed. It was after hours and I did not want to go to the ER so I called my Dr and he told me to take it easy over the weekend and to come in for an ultrasound on Monday morning. Well that weekend was horrible. I stayed down pretty much the whole time. I asked for Dallas and my dad to give me a blessing. That helped with my nerves. I was just so scared to know what was really going on.

Monday finally rolled around and we went in for the Ultrasound. We got to see the little baby's heartbeat. It was beating like crazy. The Dr said it had a really strong heartbeat. I took a huge sigh of relief. But I was still unsettled because I didn't know where the bleeding was coming from. The Dr said it was common for women to bleed this early in the pregnancy and it would probably just go away within the next few weeks. So, we went home with the little picture of our baby and a lot of comfort.

Tuesday rolls around and there is even more bleeding. I even passed a small clot that night. I was nervous and called the Dr. Wednesday morning. He told me to come in for another ultrasound. This time, they did a pretty extensive one. They took about 50 images, from the baby to my ovaries to everything else. The baby was fine and it's heart was beating strong! The Dr looked for a tear where any blood would be coming from but there was none. I told him that was crazy because I was bleeding a lot! Even though I could see the little heart beat on the screen, I didn't feel right. I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what. He told me to go home and rest and that if I start to bleed or clot, and if I start to cramp then I should come in.

So, I went home. Later that night, I started to cramp. My back started to hurt. My bleeding became really heavy. I started to clot. The pain was getting really bad and by that time, I knew what was happening. I just needed to let it take it's course. Around 12:30am, I miscarried.  Almost immediately after, my cramping and backache had gone. 

I went to the Dr the next day just so he could confirm what I already knew. I had to take a pill for the next few days to pass everything else.

And.... here I am. Not pregnant anymore. There are so many emotions I am feeling right now. I am sort of a mess. I miss not being pregnant and knowing that the baby was growing safe and sound. I miss the thought of having a new baby in the summer. Of Gabe being an older brother. What gender it would have been. What it would have looked like. I am just really sad. I am trying to be strong for my family but I know I need some time to heal. I know we will get pregnant again but right now I am missing the baby that I would have had. I know it will get better with time. I know that my Heavenly father is watching out for my family.

I don't know when we will start trying again. I have heard that a woman is pretty fertile after a miscarriage. I don't know, we will see.

Our trip to the Mountains... and more.

Every year for the October session of Conference, my family meets at my parents house to watch the second session while we eat delicious Soup! Right after Conference, we head up Big Cottonwood Canyon and take a nice stroll around Silver Lake. We LOVE doing this. The colors are at their best! I didn't get up to the mountains at all this summer so it was nice to get up there to enjoy all the leaves changing color. It smelt delicious too. Like Fall!! Here's just a few pictures from the trip.

My little family

Grams, Gramps and Gabe Man

He knows what to do when the camera comes out

Gorgeous

Some of the crew

Looking at the Duckies swimming

.......

The Reid Clan

Nate and April... it wont be "just them" for long!!!!!

We also went to Gardner Village to see the witches and pumpkins. The sun was very bright that day!!!

October has been great to us so far!

Gabe Turns 2

Well, Gabe Man turned 2!!! I can hardly believe that he is growing up SO stinkin fast. My first question is WHY? I love that he is getting older but at the same time, I want to lock myself in my room with him and stop time. Is that possible??? I have been very nostalgic this last little while as this whole turning 2 thing is sinking in.

He is so funny though. There are things he does that surprise me and Dallas. He will all the sudden throw out this sentence that totally makes sense. He is so smart. I will share a few things that Gabe is doing at age 2:

He has started to sing 'Happy Birthday dear Momma and Dadda and Momma' as LOUD as he possibly can muster. ( Birthday is said Berfday)

He says:

Whatcha doin Dadda.. or Momma... or anyone that is in his presence.

Baby Cwying... when a baby is crying.

MOMMA... WAKE UP... as he is standing in his crib, waiting for me to get him in the morning.

TockerTeiker.... means Popsicle, Motorcycle, Bicycle.

Hi Mamma... he usually comes inches from my face when I am on the Computer or reading a book when he says this

Mamma, Where awe you???

I'm seeping... when I ask him if he had a good nap

Micky Mouths... says this with a lisp

Where daddy go?

Daddy go work

Wanna go Grammas Houths

I wan Dinner... every meal is Dinner

He says Pease and Dank You

He says Sowwy Momma when he has done something he shouldn't have

These are just some of the adorable things he says. He also LOVES to dance. Whenever he hears music, he dances.

He still likes to be rocked to sleep with either a story or us singing Close To You by Karen Carpenter.

He has a favorite Blankie that he needs to sleep with and he will cry if he doesn't have it.

He is still OBSESSED with my Dad. When he is around, Gabe will only want to be held by him. They have some strange bond that they had in the Pre existence.

He can tolerate Nursery now. It took a while for him to get warmed up to it.

So for his 2nd birthday, we celebrated with my family a few days before. Gabe and his cousin Avery had a joint Birthday Party. They had a lot of fun. And then on his Birthday, me, Dall, Gramma CeeCee and Gramma Mel all went to the Zoo. Gabe Loved all the animals. It was just what he wanted. He was so curious when he saw the Elephants and Gorillas. They are the biggest animals there and he kept on telling us "Scary." He had a good time though.

Then we had quite the party for him that night with lots of family and friends. He got Spoiled. So many people love him!!!

Here are some pictures from the day...

On the lap of his favorite person

His new football beanie

Gramma CeeCee and Gramma Mel

Intrigued by Mr. Monkey

The Elephants were a little loud

He didn't mind the fake Rhino

The Crew at the Zoo

Eating some of his Cake after we sang to him

Gabe and Gramma Todd

I think this is the only picture of me with Gabe

Grandma and Grandpa Todd came. Gabe LOVES them!

Mmmm... Fall!!!

I LOVE fall. Love, love, love. I love the smell in the air, the temperature, the Halloween stuff EVERYWHERE and just the feel of September. I get so giddy this time of year for many reasons.

#1: Gabe's Birthday

Gabe turns the big 2 on September 28th. I love having his birthday in the fall. The weather is still cooperating and the fall leaves are beautiful. He probably wont care about those things but he will be happy about being one of the oldest kids in his grade in school.

#2: Decorating

I love to decorate for fall. Fall and Christmas are really the only times i get to change out my decor so I get really excited for that. Plus, the fall and Christmas colors look so goo in my house. 

#3: HaLlOwEeN

Spooky, Scary, Creepy, Haunted, Hocus Pocus. All words I love to describe the day. There is nothing better than watching a bunch of scary movies all throughout October to get you excited for the Day of the Dead. The costumes get me pretty excited too. Hmmm, I want to watch Hocus Pocus right now!!

#4: GIRLS RETREAT

Every fall, the sisters, mother and I go for a nice weekend away. No husbands, no kids. It's just us girls. We have gone to park City for the past couple of years which has been a blast. We stay at a nice Condo and shop all day at the Outlets. It is a great day to do some Christmas Shopping. I CANNOT wait for this years Retreat. 

#5: Fall Clothes

Probably my favorite time to wear clothes. Hehe. Love the scarves, hats, boots, jeans and oh so much more. 

#6: Fall Food

Mmmmm. Consists of lots and lots of soup in bread bowls, corn bread, pumpkin pie, pie in general, caramel apples and hot apple cider. Could it get any greater than that?

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love Fall!

April & Nates Shower

My sisters and I had so much fun throwing my sis-in-law and brother their baby shower for their two babies that are still in Ethiopia. We are SO excited to meet these two beautiful babies. We have so much love for them and we couldn't be happier that Nate and April have finally been matched!!! The hard part for them and for us is WAITING! Time really needs to go by faster.

The shower turned out great. I think I took a picture of every gift they opened. I want them to remember every bit of it. We had lots of our family come and give their support for Nate and April. These two babies are loved by so many people and they don't even know it. We had delicious food and even better company. Here are few pictures I took of the decorations and gift opening.

I put this sign on the Gift Table

Some of the floating tissue balls I made. Turned out pretty cute eh?

Centerpieces

Marni had this awesome idea for drinks. LOVE the mason jars. We found coordinating straws at World Market.

The Yummy food. April even made cookies in the shape of Africa and a candy dot in place of Ethiopia.

The happy Parents right before they opened their gifts.

I love Aprils face in this picture. It was an adorable tu tu.

Also an adorable little outfit.

Congratulations again you guys. We love you so much.

Just some recent projects...

So I have had the creative bug lately and I have come across some awesome finds! I LOVE this stuff. It is so fun.

I bought this Brass Head Board at the DI for $10.00. I HAD to have it. I spray painted it off white and it turned out pretty darn cute!

On my last trip to Antimony, we stopped off at an adorable antique shop in Scipio and I bought 3 of these old antique windows for $40.00. That is an awesome price for 3 windows. I should know because I have been to George's Architectural Salvage and 1 window alone cost $55.00. So it was a great deal.

So I sanded all the really old, flaky paint off and painted one coat of white paint. Then I sanded it around the corners to bring out the antique look. Add a cute wreath and ribbon and vuala. It is hanging over my stairs.

I found this old frame at the DI the same day I found the head board for $2.00. I painted it green and put a little glaze over it to bring out the cracks. I stapled chicken wire to the back of it and added fabric over the edges so it wouldn't scratch the wall. (I am glad I did that) I am putting pictures on it so hopefully I will get it fully covered here in the next little while. I love how it turned out. Very bright and fun.

Ok, so I have had these mirrors since me and Dall got married. They came in a 3 pack from Crate N Barrel and they were quite expensive. The original color was black with some brown streaks on them. Loved the mirrors but not the color. It wouldn't flow with the colors I am using in my house. However, I do LOVE the color orange right now. I am getting more daring with my decorating so I thought "What the heck, go bold with a bright Orange." LOVED how they turned out. I couldn't be happier. I only used 2 of the 3 mirrors because of the space so I will just have to use the last mirror somewhere else.

This is what I am most excited about. For the past little while, I have wanted a book shelf for this space in my living room. I have tons of books that are everywhere around my house and they needed a place to permanently stay! So, I randomly got on KSL on Saturday just to see what was new in the classifieds area and this beautiful piece of furniture was the first thing that came up under Shelving. Solid wood might I add. The owner lived in South Jordan, which was a bonus.....oh and it was $5.00. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?! It is so sturdy and it is so much more than what I thought I would eventually put in this space. I am going to paint in Orange. hehehe. Not the BRIGHT Orange of the Mirrors. It will be a softer Orange. Awesome eh?

So, what shall I work on next???

Venting...

So this post is pure me feeling sorry for myself. I just need to get it out. If you have no interest in hearing my latest sob story, you might want to stop reading.

Lately I feel like I am completely different person. I mean there are times when I feel normal... but that is usually when I am playing with Gabe and I get to just focus on him. He is such an amazing little boy and i don't know what i would do without him. So when I say I feel like a different person and not myself as of late, it is purely because I am being pumped with an obnoxious amount of hormones and my body HATES it.

When we were trying to get pregnant with Gabe, I found out that I have PCOS (Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome)... which is getting more common everyday. It runs through my family. All my sisters have it and both my older sisters struggled to get pregnant with most of their kids. I was pretty familiar with what it was before I even found out that I had it. All I knew, as i watched them try to get pregnant, was that I did NOT want to have it. So, after we found out I had PCOS, my doctor got me right on Clomid since my case of PCOS was pretty bad. There is no way for me to get pregnant without fertility help. Once I started the Clomid, I turned into a MONSTER. I HATE how it made me feel emotionally as well as physically. I was constantly agitated by Dallas and my body just felt horrible. But after 4 months of taking the clomid while "trying", we got pregnant. I got pregnant on the middle dose (100mg).

Well, we have been "trying" (I hate that word) for 8 months now. I know that doesn't seem long and it really isn't, but I am going on month 5 of my Clomid. Being on Clomid this time around is just the same as before only worse. I am moodier, more tired, more irritated, my body is in a lot of pain because of these darn cysts that are constantly bursting. I am just tired of it. On top of all of that, I haven't ovulated this WHOLE time. I started taking this Natural Progesterone Cream to increase the chance of ovulating but so far, it's a no go.

I am getting ready to start the highest dose of clomid (150 mg) next month and I am a little apprehensive. My sister Marni was on that dose when she got her twins. I am also worried how much worse it is going to make me feel. Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful for modern medicine and for it to allow us a chance to bring little spirits into this world. But along with the medicine comes all the side effects. Some nights I just want to lay in bed and cry. I know there are more spirits waiting to come down to our family... why does it have to be so hard getting them here? I realize that I am sounding SO over emotional but those are my feelings. I am a little depressed about it all.

I am so grateful to be a mother to my Gabers. Dall and I love him with all our hearts. Watching him grow is the best thing. He surprises us everyday with something so neat. He and Dall are the ones that are making this easier for me. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends that have been a great support for me as well. Again, this was a total venting post... but it just feels good to get it off my chest. "It will happen when it happens."

Parade of Homes

I went to the Parade of Homes on Wednesday and boy I was NOT disappointed. I try to go every year. I just love to see how these homes are decorated. I take lots of pictures of the cute decorating for inspiration. Some of the homes this year were decorated very modern. I must say that I am liking what they are putting together. I didn't think I loved the modern look but they make it look so good. There were also the traditional style home which was very nice too. Like I said, I was not disappointed with this years group.

Love everything about this room. The colors, quilt, wall, bed frame and green table. LOVE.

My personal favorite house. It is in Herriman waaaaayyyyyy up the hill. Gorgeous.

Love the clean lines in this bathroom.

Where was this room when I was growing up. It is so feminine.

And of coarse the "UP" house. I loved it and Gabe did too.

I thought this bathroom was adorable. I love the yellow and blue with the stainless steel.

Adorable little girls room.

Gabe WILL have a room like this. LOVE inspiration.  

This room is right up my ally. I love the green. The curtains are a great print.

I usually don't like blue, but this is quite nice. Maybe it is the stripped couch I love so much. Any color would look great with it.

I highly recommend going the PoH this year if you haven't already.